Conflict Resolution in Marriage: Solvable vs Recurring Issues

I was recently re-reading Dr. John Gottman’s work on relationships. As a researcher myself – I am always fascinated with statistics.¬†Gottman pointed out there are only 2 kinds of conflict within a marriage – Solvable and Perpetual. What he discovered was that only 31% of everyday marital conflict is actually solvable. That leaves 69% of our conflicts recurring. YIKES!!! So what does that really mean?

Have you ever noticed that at the end of the day, each and every one of your arguments are ALWAYS about the same topics? For my husband and I – it’s about keeping the house clean. We’ve been married for 13 years and it’s still a topic of conversation or should I say – consternation!

So how do you problem solve a problem that will never go away? First, Gottman suggests that we learn to accept and adapt to those issues that are part of your partner’s core sense of self. Stay Tuned for tricks on how to accept and adapt . . . ’cause let’s face it . . . that’s the hard part of marriage!


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